Getting Baby to Sleep (0-3 Months)
Module 3: Infant Sleep, Soothing & Safety

Soothing Your Newborn

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Soothing Your Newborn

10 MINUTE READ

Published August 2024

AUTHORS

Melissa O’Neill, PhD PMH-C
Contributing Editor, Registered Nurse

Katie Sardone, PhD PMH-C
Head of Clinical, Licensed Psychologist & Perinatal Mental Health Specialist

Margaret Vadiee, PhD
Contributing Editor, Licensed Psychologist

In addition to eating and sleeping, newborns also cry . . . a lot. Crying can be random or can be a baby’s way of indicating that they have a need. This guide will walk you through what to check for and how to soothe your crying newborn.

Soothing

Let’s face it, babies cry, often for no apparent reason! On the face of it, crying can be frustrating and stressful for parents; however, a quick re-frame can go a long way. Remember that crying is natural, normal and actually very necessary! Crying is not a bad thing and doesn’t mean you or your baby are doing anything “wrong.” Crying is actually your baby’s only way to communicate a need in their early days. We WANT babies to cry in order to express these needs and let us know when it’s time to help. Your baby’s role is to keep letting you know when they need something so the two of you can begin to understand one another better. 

When your baby is crying, your role as a parent is to begin to tune in and attempt to understand and meet your baby’s needs (check out our quick checklist below for help!). Understanding your role and working down the list to make sure your baby’s needs are met can alleviate stress. Remember that your baby can be fed, freshly changed, swaddled, and yet still be crying and that emotional needs for connection are just as valid and important for life as diaper changes and feedings. Here is a quick checklist to run down when your baby is letting you know load and clear that they have a need:

Dr. Karp’s “5 S’s” to soothe your baby

  • Crying can be a major source of stress for parents. We want to make sure that you as a parent feel level headed before trying to support the needs of your baby. As long as your baby is safe, you can take as much time as you need to compose yourself before attending to your baby.  Take a moment and remind yourself that it’s normal for babies to cry, and that your baby is right on track for expressing themselves in this way.  It’ll be easier to be physically and emotionally present for your baby if you are taking care of yourself. Check out our Coping in Chaos guide for more strategies to help you bring your calm and cared-for self to these potential stressful situations.

  • Keeping track of feedings can be hard when you’re first getting started. We encourage you to use a digital tracker to help you monitor the total ounces your baby is consuming (or time breastfeeding). This will help you determine over time if your baby is getting enough calories during the day (and at the right time of day). By 12 weeks, we want your baby to slowly transition to consuming most of their calories in the daytime so that they get good night time rest. As an infant this will take time and you’ll want to be very cognizant of baby’s hunger cues in the early days to ensure they are getting high quality feedings. 

  • Are they undertired (not quite tired enough for a nap)? Did they get good rest during earlier naps? Overnight? Are they overly tired? If they are up for too long between naps, fussiness is also common from being overtired.

  • Laying baby on their back and helping them to move their legs slowly into their chest can help move things along in the digestive system.

  • Taking your baby’s temperature is a good way to determine this in the early days. Keeping a high quality rectal thermometer on hand is a must. If you’re not sure, trust your instinct and call your pediatrician! It’s also helpful to check in between baby’s skin folds and around their fingers and toes to make sure they haven’t gotten a parent’s hair stuck somewhere uncomfortably. 

If you’ve ruled out the above, great! You can move forward knowing that some of your baby’s core needs are met. Now it’s time to meet your baby’s need for comfort and connection. Dr. Harvey Karp developed the “5 S’s” to soothe your baby, and research shows that using 3 of these soothing mechanisms combined can reduce crying and improve sleep. Here are his recommendations, as well as a few other ideas to add into your repertoire. Add these to your toolkit and rotate between them as you find what works best for you and for baby (and for the moment/space you’re in). You may also have already discovered something not already in this guide. Keep doing it if it works for you!

  • Note that during this age range, your baby will be moving from a swaddle to a sleep sack so this method may be short-lived (if you can use it at all).

  • Hold your baby on their side or with their stomach against you.  It’s important to only hold them in this position, but follow AAP safe sleep guidelines and always put your baby to sleep on their back.

  • Add extra white noise with your voice by loud “shhh shhhing.”

  • Lightly jiggle your baby from side-to-side (supporting them well, especially their head and neck).  This motion should be very gentle and slow. Please see our note below on Shaken Baby Syndrome and take care to protect your baby as you soothe.

  • Offer a pacifier.  This can help your baby regulate physiologically.

When baby is crying, you check for . . .

Other helpful soothing mechanisms

ADDING WHITE NOISE

ROCKING OR BOUNCING BABY

On your body or in an infant-safe device. Note that if you are using a baby device, babies should be monitored 100% of the time. These are not safe devices for sleep. If you’re bouncing baby we want to put them back down in their infant safe sleep area BEFORE they fall asleep (ideally right when they are dozing off) so that they truly fall asleep in their designated sleep area.

WEARING BABY

Putting your baby in a front pack is a great way to soothe your baby while keeping your hands free! While you don’t want to wear your baby for 100% of their naps, it's OK to wear baby occasionally to help get through a tough moment.

SKIN-TO-SKIN CONTACT

Placing your baby on mom or dad’s chest helps babies regulate their emotions. Babies do not have the ability to regulate their own emotions, so as parents, our job is to help them regulate. Skin-to-skin contact is a great way to do this. Research shows that skin-to-skin contact (aka kangaroo care) stabilizes baby’s heart rate, breathing, and body temperature while increasing the time spent in deep sleep during naps and bedtime. It also helps improve breastfeeding and increase their weight gain. These benefits occur with even small amounts of kangaroo care time and can be easily woven into your early morning or after bath time routines.

TRYING TUMMY TIME

Getting some energy out with tummy time can also help with your baby’s fussiness.  Especially with young babies who sleep a lot during the day, it is normal to have a fussy period or (“witching hour”) in the evening. This is their way of expending energy.

CHANGING SCENERY

Changing rooms, going outside, showing your baby a picture or mirror can help distract them from the current task at hand (i.e. crying!) and refocus them on the fact that they’re sleepy.

Remember

These first few months can fly by, and your baby will grow and change so much.  As a parent, you are learning and adapting too. If implementing a daytime schedule and fostering healthy sleep habits seems too much at first, you can add those pieces later.  Remember, it is never too late to work on improving sleep.  While your approach can change over time, babies are smart and will learn quickly once you are ready.

A word on Shaken Baby Syndrome

Having a newborn baby can be incredibly tiring and depleting. Your baby’s needs can feel overwhelming at times and despite your best efforts you may not have the patience you need. Baby’s cries can often heighten parents’ frustration and reactiveness. If you’re starting to feel this way - you’re not alone, but it’s critical to identify these feelings and take preventative steps to restore your sense of calm (see Coping in Chaos guide for more). It’s okay to take a minute for yourself, anytime, even if your baby is crying.

This may look like putting your baby down in a baby-safe location like their crib or carseat and stepping into another room to do some deep breathing, going on a walk, stretching, or anything that helps you feel more calm. It may also look like calling your partner, friends, family and/or your doctor and asking for help. If none of those resources are available you can also call 911 or 988 (more information on resources in the “when to seek help” section). You will never regret taking preventative steps to get help if and when you feel overwhelmed.  

Shaken Baby Syndrome can happen quickly. Newborns and infants are especially at risk given their limited ability to control their head and neck muscles. Shaken Baby Syndrome occurs when the baby’s brain sustains a traumatic brain injury from forceful movement like shaking, jolting, or whiplash. It can happen with very little movement especially in newborns. It is imperative that not only you, but any other caregivers you entrust with your baby are careful to protect your baby’s head, neck, and spine.  

If you suspect your baby has suffered from Shaken Baby Syndrome, call your doctor or 911 immediately. The signs can look like extreme fussiness or irritability, difficulty staying awake, breathing problems, or poor eating and can escalate to vomiting, pale or bluish skin, seizures, paralysis, or coma. There may not be physical signs like bruising on the skin, so paying attention to behavioral changes and seeking medical help immediately may save your child’s life and/or prevent serious health complications.

What the research says

  • Utilizing a sleep strategy that incorporates at least 3 soothing strategies can reduce crying and improve sleep quality for baby (Singh & Menahem, 2023). 

  • Giving your baby massages helps to promote increased attachment between mother and child, as well as reduce pain reception (helpful immediately after baby’s immunizations) and improve weight gain (to reach developmental milestones (Mrljak et al., 2022)

About the authors

Melissa O’Neill, BSN
As an RN specializing in NICU and Labor & Delivery for 15+ years, Melissa is also a mother of 3.

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Katie Sardone, PhD, PMH-C
Dr. Katie Sardone is a Licensed Psychologist and the founder of Behavioral Health Dallas, PLLC.

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Margaret Vadiee, PhD
Dr. Margaret Vadiee is a Licensed Psychologist and a former Adjunct Clinical Assistant Professor at Southern Methodist University in the Psychology Department.

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Resources our Experts Love

  • NIH Safe to Sleep Resources ↗

  • American Association of Pediatrics: Safe Sleep ↗

Nutritionists

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Adult mental health

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Couples mental health

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Infant & child mental health

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Sleep coaching

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Nutritionists • Adult mental health • Couples mental health • Infant & child mental health • Sleep coaching •

When to get
expert support

If you think you need expert support, this is a great reason to pop into office hours. Sometimes you might need more support, and that's okay!

Below are a list of examples of when and how to get that support:

  • You will have frequent visits to your pediatrician at first to monitor the baby's health and weight. Use this time to ask questions that have come up regarding baby’s feeds, sleep, skin, fussiness, and whatever else pops up.

  • If your is under 2 months of age and has a fever over 100.4, call your pediatrician

  • If your baby is crying constantly for more than 2 hours straight without stopping call your pediatrician

  • If your baby is not eating well, lacks an interest in feeds, spitting up excessively and/or spit up is projectile or discolored, call your pediatrician.

  • If your baby has a persistent diaper rash that isn’t improving, call your pediatrician.

  • If your baby has a white tongue that cannot be scratched away with your clean finger, call your pediatrician to check your baby for thrush. 

  • If your baby has not had a dirty diaper in over three days or is having hard, pebble-like stools, stool is gray, black or blood tinged, call your pediatrician. 

  • If the umbilical stump or circumcision site is not healing well, has drainage and/or a bad smell, call your pediatrician. 

  • If your baby is turning blue around the mouth or lips, call 911.

  • Always trust your parental instinct. If you feel like something is wrong, reach out to your trusted medical professional asap.

  • If you find yourself feeling down, anxious, or not like yourself, reach out to a mental health professional for support.  You can also call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 833-852-6262 (available 24/7 in the US).

  • If you are in a moment of crisis, call 911 for emergency support and/or 988 for mental health support (available 24/7).

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